http://www.gofundme.com/2ik2xo
I hope they get the money to pay for the surgery. :( Get well Tony!
Tracks
DO YOU HAVE STRAWBERRIES TRYING TO CONQUER YOUR HOUSE? TIME TO FUCK SHIT UP, BECAUSE WE’RE GOING TO MAKE SOME GODDAMN DELICIOUS STRAWBERRY PIE!
I’M A LAZY SHIT RIGHT NOW, SO JUST FUCKING GRAB A PRE-BAKED PIE CRUST FROM THE STORE! OR MAYBE YOU’RE TOO METAL FOR THAT, THEN YOU CAN FUCK EVERYONE AND MAKE A GRAHAM CRACKER CRUST FROM THIS RECIPE.
WHATEVERTHEFUCK YOU WANT
TAKE 2 CUPS OF STRAWBERRIES AND THROW THEM AT YOUR KNIFE COLLECTION UNTIL THEY ARE PERFECTLY SLICED. PRACTICE YOUR NON-EUCLIDIAN GEOMETRY, THEN PUNCH A VAMPIRE IN THE FACE AND BUTTERFLY KICK THEM INTO THE PIE CRUST
TEACH SOME ORPHANED GOLDFISH HOW TO PLAY SOCCER, THEN KICK ANOTHER 2 CUPS OF STRAWBERRIES INTO A FINE PASTE. THE JUICES SHOULD REMIND YOU OF PAST BATTLES AND THE TORN FLESH OF YOUR ENEMIES.
SMELLS LIKE SWEET VICTORY.
BREAK INTO A STARBUCKS AND RETRIEVE ALL THE SUGAR PACKETS, OR QUEST INTO THE WILD UNKNOWNS OF YOUR CUPBOARDS TO FIND SOME. SWEET-TALK 1 CUP OF SUGAR INTO JOINING IN HOLY MATRIMONY WITH YOUR STRAWBERRY MASH, THEN UNCEREMONIOUSLY DUMP THE TWO OF THEM TOGETHER INTO A SAUCEPAN.
IT’S ABOUT TO GET HOT AND STEAMY UP IN HERE!
TELL THEM IT’S THEIR HONEYMOON AS YOU FLICK THE HEAT UP TO ‘MEDIUM’ AND STIR SLOWLY. WATCH AS THE SUGAR AND FRUIT FLESH DISSOLVES UNDER CONSTANT WAVES OF RISING TEMPERATURES. SMIRK AT THE INEVITABLE DOOM.
WHEN IT STARTS BOILING AND FLINGING BITS FUCKING EVERYWHERE, TURN THE HEAT DOWN TO ‘LOW’ AND TURN YOUR ATTENTIONS ELSEWHERE.
GET OUT YOUR RITUAL SKULL, BECAUSE YOU NEED TO MIX TOGETHER 3 TABLESPOONS OF CORN STARCH AND ¾ CUPS OF WATER!
USING TWO HANDS LIKE A TALENTED MOTHERFUCKER, STIR THE STRAWBERRIES WHILE YOU ADD YOUR DAMN CORNSTARCH WATER. HOLD ON TO YOUR ASSHOLE, BECAUSE THIS REQUIRES PATIENCE!
THE ‘ADDING’ PROCESS SHOULD TAKE NO LESS THAN 1 MINUTE! DROP SOME IN, STIR, REPEAT. NONE OF THIS DUMPING SHIT.
AFTER IT’S ALL SWIRLED TOGETHER AND SMELLING LIKE HEAVEN JUST SQUATTED IN YOUR KITCHEN AND RUBBED ITSELF ALL OVER YOUR FACE, COVER THE FUCKING POT AND LET IT SIT FOR ANOTHER 10 MINUTES ON LOW HEAT.
GO WRITE SOME EXPLICIT FANFICTION ABOUT ME AND THAT PIE MAKER WHILE YOU WAIT. GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL MACHINE! FUCK!
AFTER YOUR TIMER HAS A HEART ATTACK, POUR YOUR STRAWBERRY SAUCE ALL OVER THOSE SLICED ASSHOLES STILL CHILLING IN THE PIE CRUST LIKE NOTHING’S WRONG IN THE WORLD.
PROVE THEM WRONG AND SHOVE THEM IN THE FRIDGE FOR 3 HOURS! COMPLETE ISOLATION, THEY’LL NEVER BE THE SAME!
IF YOU WANT TO BE A FANCY MOTHERFUCKER, YOU CAN ALWAYS ADD EXTRA STRAWBERRIES ON TOP, AND SERVE WITH WHIPPED TOPPING.
THE
article: itu, sang, -nya
Daily-Green now featured on Fab.
Fab.com
Daily-Green has a lot of love for this lush little planet of ours and wants to spread it around. Designed for use as a terrarium or a fishbowl, the easily mounted Wall Deco is an acrylic vessel that can (literally) bring life to your walls. What living, breathing embellishment will you put inside?
US Brown Bear now featured on Fab.
Fab.com
Growl! These flat screen mounts are wildly strong (and quite cool). Designed by U.S. Brown Bear for maximum mobility and easy installation, these low-profile mounts and LED lighting strips safely support your entertainment system and provide a rainbow of ambient light to turn your living room into a party zone.
When the back of a book has a bunch of reviews instead of a summary
Except for Ellen’s book right
and tina fey’s
(Source: grantairehair)
this better not be the post i’m remembered for omfg
(Source: homobaka)
Six Grown Men Read “50 Shades of Grey”
edit: Six Amazing Men
OH
MY
GOD
I’m laughing so hard. xD
Sweet actual fuck
oh yay someone put this on tumblr
the nick cage one omg
“Yeah, that sounds straight!” (…or maybe it was “great” BUT MY VERSION’S FUNNIER)
Hearing The Monarch reading it out aloud is the highlight for me.
But really, everything else is hilarious as well.
Holy shit is that the Edison IVE BEEN THERE
I’VE BEEN TRYING TO SHOW YOU THIS, BUT NOOOOUUU
WELL, THIS TIME
isnt that the nostalgia critic
LINDS THE MONARCH
i lost my shit at nic cage
i love nerds
(Source: maple-frosting)
THE BEST 23 SECONDS
Just press play and listen to this girl please, just do it.
Dont scroll past this. Watch it. Now.
Do it, you won’t regret it omg
That is the best glee noise I’ve ever heard in my life.
(Source: ajohnnn)
Pac-Man meets Vincent van Gogh in “Starry Night at the Arcade,” this great mashup by *SirNosh
